


All This Time

by posingasme



Series: All This Time [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chubby Castiel, College Crush, Community Organizer Sam, Engineer Castiel (Supernatural), Former College Roommates, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Reunion Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 05:11:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14634792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posingasme/pseuds/posingasme
Summary: Over the past few years, Castiel has made a name for himself as a brilliant, confident engineer. But on the inside, he still thinks of himself as the shy, chubby nerd who never fit in. Sam has left his fast-paced corporate law job for something less glamorous and more fulfilling. But he can't help drifting back to memories of his best friend in college, the only person he ever felt like himself with. After all this time, there's still something there between them...unless their big brothers get in the way.





	1. A Boring Little Splurge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dmsilvis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dmsilvis/gifts).



> Sastiel Big Bang 2018, with one of my favorite artists on the planet, @DMSilvisart , who provided AMAZING pieces for this story, as well as the inspiration for it in the first place.

“Cassie is a chubby twelve year old. It’s Cas.”

Gabriel scoffed. “Sorry. I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am!” he called from the kitchen.

Castiel sighed with frustration. He was glad his brother was back. He truly was. But he did not anticipate a day when the older man didn’t make him crazy. “When are you getting your own place?”

“Ooh, chocolate!”

He cringed. “That’s my dark chocolate to add to my smoothie mix for tomorrow.” He wasn’t sure why he was bothering. If Gabriel had found the one sweet indulgence in his kitchen, it was already a lost cause.

Just as he suspected, Gabriel had his chocolate bar hanging from his mouth when he returned to the living room. “Too dark,” he said. “What is this? Seventy percent?”

“If you don’t like it, you could stop stealing it. It’s the only-“

Gabriel spoke over him. “It’s the only real food you’ve got in the place!”

He heaved another sigh. “It’s the only candy, Gabe. There’s plenty of real food. Just not sweet stuff. Some of us don’t have the metabolism of a hummingbird.”

“What’s this about me getting my own place? I just got back to town! Why wouldn’t I want to hang out here for a while? Aside from the lack of food, I mean.”

Castiel shrugged. “Gabe, you know you’re welcome to stay as long as you like. I’ve missed you. It’s been…” Lonely. But he couldn’t push those syllables out of his mouth, so he changed them. “It’s been quiet without you here.” Then he frowned. “Gabe? You’re here because you want to be, right? Not because you don’t have anyplace else to go. You haven’t somehow managed to spend all your-“

Gabriel waved this away carelessly. “I’m fine. I had my fun. But I’m not a moron. I have plenty invested, and I’ve got plenty in savings. Dad set us up, and I’m not going to blow through what he gave us in under a year.”

“Nearly broke, then?” Castiel teased with a small smile.

His brother laughed. “You’re still a little shit, Cassie. No, I’m good. Just need a place to land and catch my breath before I fly off again. I’m thinking Norway this time.”

“Norway? Why Norway?”

“Fjords,” he said through his mouthful of chocolate. “I liked Frozen.”

Gabriel hadn’t changed since Castiel was born. He was impulsive, snarky and moody as always, but also full of fun and light. Their father’s money had not changed either of them, not in any ways that mattered. Gabriel was still the larger-than-life, charismatic creature he had always been.

And Castiel hadn’t changed much either, though he had tried. He was still the awkward, serious child standing a step behind his golden, grinning brother. The only difference now was that he was taller, instead of just larger, than Gabriel.

Castiel sighed. He seemed to do that a lot when in the presence of Gabriel.

The older man dropped onto Castiel’s couch, and lifted his feet to rest on the coffee table. Castiel didn’t like that much, but saying so would just get him teased. “What about you, Cassie? Got any plans finally?”

“Plans?” He lifted a dark brow. “You mean to spend money.”

Gabriel looked exasperated. “No! Not to spend money!”

Castiel tipped his head and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Then…”

“To blow loads of money!”

He snickered. “Ah. Uh, no. No plans.”

“None? You’ve got nothing in your little brain that’s-“

“Gabe, I’m not interested in tearing through Dad’s money. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. But I have everything I need. And I’m not changing anything about my life just because I’m more financially comfortable.”

“Dude. The only thing Dad did for us his whole life was make money. Correction: He made the money for himself. The thing he did for us was die without spending it all.”

Castiel frowned down at his hands. “It isn’t right to talk like that. You’re not glad he’s dead.”

His lowered gaze kept him from seeing the flash of pain in his brother’s whiskey brown eyes, and it was gone in an instant. “No. Of course I’m not glad. But he’s dead, Cassie. And the only thing that changed for us when he died is we inherited a bunch of money we didn’t know he had, money he didn’t want going to any of his wives.”

“He took care of them too,” he answered quietly.

“Yeah. But the point is, he set us up. I don’t care why. And I’m not going to pretend he was dad of the year any year of our lives, just because he did. I’m taking his bundle of stash as back-pay for every day he didn’t spend with us growing up.”

“It still isn’t right to be disrespectful, just because he wasn’t around much.”

Gabriel scoffed. “Much? Dude, you never had an entire conversation with the man!”

He looked up again finally. “But you did.”

A bitterness crept into Gabriel’s voice. “Yeah. You weren’t missing much. Look, kiddo. I’m just saying that not spending his money isn’t going to bring him back. And even if it could? He’d walk right out the door again. It’s what he did. He was never around. And I loved him. You know I did. But the only time he ever thought about you or me was when he chose to leave us a bunch of cash to spite his ex-wives.”

Castiel swallowed hard. “You really think that’s why he did it?”

“I think his sense of humor was a little twisted, yeah. Point is, Cassie, there’s zero reason not to enjoy your sudden windfall. If the money makes you uncomfortable, go to Vegas. It’ll disappear as quick as the man who earned it did.”

It was a hard truth, but Castiel knew it was the truth. Carver Edlund had never shown any interest in either of his sons, not for as long as Castiel could remember. Gabriel had worshipped the man; they both had. But Gabriel he disapproved of, and Castiel he ignored. No matter what he did to earn the man’s attention, years at a time went by without contact. Then they had gotten the call from the law firm, and they were suddenly millions richer and a father poorer, and Gabriel was right that not much had changed in Castiel’s life because of it. He had never had a father. Not having one now was painful, but not all that different from his entire life up to that point.

Gabriel took another bite of his chocolate and waited.

“There’s…” Castiel cleared his throat. “There’s, um, a conference. A tech conference that I’d like to...It’s always been a little too expensive to justify, but-but I guess…”

His brother clapped him on the back. “There you go! Just the boring kind of splurge I’d expect from my boring little brother. Where is it? And when?”

He licked his lips thoughtfully. “It’s not far, actually.”

“Even better! And by better, of course, you know I mean even more boring. When?”

His face was flushing red. “Uh, it’s in just a few weeks. It’s a big deal. It’s a tech conference, with workshops, and a showcase of new tech, and-and it includes concept car tech, and-“

Gabriel let his eyes widen. “Concept cars? My dorky, boring kid brother wants to go to a concept car show?”

He never should have brought this up. “Yeah. I mean, and the rest of it too. It’s going to have engineers and folks from every major tech firm, all the best innovators in the world come to this thing. But it’s expensive, and I could never really justify-“

And that was the end of the conversation. Gabriel had tickets, hotel suites and flights booked before Castiel could reconsider. Every time Castiel turned around, Gabriel was telling him about another thing he had added on to the trip. Rental cars were just the beginning, it seemed. Castiel was nearly dizzy by the time the day came to depart on his adventure.

“Go on. Make big brother proud!” Gabriel was teasing. “Spend some cash. Do not just drink those awful green smoothies every day. Promise me!”

His face was burning with embarrassment. It felt like everyone in the entire airport could hear them. “They’re part of my nutrition plan,” he grumbled.

Gabriel waved this away. “Whatever. Promise me you’ll at least go out to a local steakhouse or something while you’re there? Something?”

If only to move this along, Castiel nodded. “Okay. Yeah, I promise. I’ll eat at a local place.”

“That’s something.” Gabriel sighed. “Have fun, okay? Don’t just do the nerd stuff. Do some fun things too.”

“I will. I need to go, Gabe. I’ll miss my boarding.”

Gabriel pretended to wipe away a tear. “My Cassie, off on a nerdy field trip without a chaperone. I’m so proud!”

“It’s Cas,” the young man growled, then he turned and walked through the security, where Gabriel couldn’t follow.

He was already regretting this entire thing.


	2. Large and Awkward

Sam hated flying. Not like Dean hated flying. Dean was a colossal baby on a plane. No, Sam hated flying mostly because he always felt stupidly large and awkward in the little seats. He could never get comfortable, and trying to keep a laptop on his too-long legs was never worth the effort. He put his earbuds in, but he couldn’t relax, even with his music. It was just a miserable experience, every time. 

He stared out the window moodily. He was already dreading having a seatmate. He was crushed as it was, and then, inevitably, there was some nice old lady sitting beside him, and he squished himself further so as not to inconvenience her, or there was another large man, and they would spend the whole flight trying to negotiate space while expressing as little discomfort as possible…

It was a man this time. He groaned inwardly. He knew it was psychological, but he already felt his legs cramping up. 

“Thank you,” the man was murmuring in a very deep voice. The flight attendant helped the man shove his bag into the overhead compartment, and then smiled and hurried on to assist others. A weary sigh emitted from the man. 

Sam couldn’t see the man’s face yet, but he could see the rest of him, in a thin black tee and jeans that revealed the general shape beneath. That shape was impressive, to say the least. The arms which lifted to fight with the bag and compartment above were hard muscle, and the tee stretched across a powerful chest, lifting just enough in the effort to shove the bag into the overhead to allow a sliver of hip bone to peek out beneath. 

He hurried to look back out the window when he realized he was staring. He felt the man sit, and shift his weight awkwardly beside him. “I apologize. You’re probably not very comfortable already, and I’m…”

The voice stopped, but Sam had heard enough to whip his head around in shock. 

The voice and the wide blue eyes were the same, even if everything else seemed different. “Sam?” he breathed. 

A tingle of excitement rushed through him. “Castiel?”

Then came the little smile of pleasure that was so familiar, the narrowing of eyes and tiny intake of breath. There was no doubt who that cute smile belonged to. “Hello, Sam.”

Sam wanted to embrace his friend, but he laughed helplessly. “I, uh, I would hug you, Cas, but…”

“But it would be awkward,” his old, dear friend agreed. 

“God, what are the chances? How have you been? Where are you headed? What are you even doing now? How have you been?”

Castiel blinked at him, then laughed too. “I’m good. I’m heading for a tech conference in San Diego.”

“Me too!” Sam stopped. “I mean, not-I’m going to the same convention center as the big tech showcase. I’m there for something else, but-Cas, I can’t believe how long it’s been! How long has it been?”

“It’s been over six years, Sam. Eight since we roomed together. I’m sorry we lost touch.”

He waved this away, though he felt a pang of guilt at that. He had been the one too busy to keep up the relationship. And right at that moment, he couldn’t really remember why. Castiel had been his best friend in his freshman year at Stanford. They had continued to hang out sophomore year, but Sam had moved into the fraternity house by then, and he saw less and less of his sweet, shy former roommate, until they had faded apart for good. 

Castiel cleared his throat again. “So? I’m an engineer for Sandover Tech. A contractor, of course. They would never want to have to offer benefits to me. I just finished a big project with them, and now I’m taking a little time off to decide about my next move. What about you?”

Sam was staring again. He couldn’t believe how confident his old friend sounded. It filled him with an odd sense of pride to know that Castiel had finally become comfortable in his own skin. The blue eyes were not lowering, the hands were not wringing, the glasses…

“Sam?”

“Where are your glasses?” he blurted out. 

Castiel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “My-oh. I had my vision corrected last year. It’s the only thing I spent my...Anyway, it’s been a relief not to need them.”

“You were always losing them,” Sam remembered. “I always said-“

“The saddest thing you ever saw was a nearly blind kid looking for his own glasses,” Castiel finished in his driest voice. 

Sam smiled. “Well? You look good.”

He felt the man’s flinch more than saw it. “Thank you,” he mumbled. And now there was the lowering of eyes, the wringing of hands. “So do you.”

Castiel looked really good, Sam realized suddenly. And it occurred to him like a slap to the back of the head why his friend had cringed when he said it. “Cas, I don’t mean…”

But the soft smile was back. “It’s okay. I’ve worked hard to change over the years. I should be proud of it. It’s just that seeing people who knew me back then just reminds me how much I had to change.” 

“Cas, you look good,” Sam soothed. “Not because you’ve lost weight. You look good because you seem more confident. Confidence looks really good on you.”

Castiel snorted, but he seemed grateful for the sentiment. “And you’re the same as ever. Everything looks good on you. Changed your hair some.”

“A little more professional.”

“By which I assume you mean a little less like you’re fronting a boy band.”

Sam burst into laughter, and the tension evaporated between them. “Yeah. A little less like that.”

Castiel snickered. “Really. What are you doing now? Hotshot lawyer like we always assumed?”

He took a deep breath. “Uh, no. Not even close. I work as a community organizer, and for a nonprofit group. We work with at-risk youth who need mentors and set them up with apprenticeships and internships to gain experience, to lower barriers to decent jobs.”

Surprise was plain on the handsome face. “Yeah? That’s fantastic, Sam! That’s noble work!”

A warmth filled his cheeks, as well as his heart. “Yeah. It’s rewarding.” Impulse thrummed through his veins, and he spoke without thinking. “Cas? We’re heading for the same hotel. And the flight is very quick. Let’s go to dinner someplace after we both settle in. My treat. What do you think?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Castiel breathed. 

Before another word could be said, the pilot’s voice came over the speakers. A pretty young woman hurried to push between them, and placed her earbuds in her ears without greeting. She gave them each a look of warning, then closed her eyes and lay back very deliberately. Sam smirked over her head at Castiel. “Guess we’ll continue this later?” he said lightly.

“Yes,” his friend confirmed, and Sam wasn’t sure there was no relief in his voice now. Knowing the old Castiel, the guy probably appreciated the time to get his thoughts in order. As he had admitted once, his people skills got rusty without warning sometimes, and it took some quiet to get his head back after socializing too much. 

But that was the old Castiel. Shy, sweet, dry-humored and smart, completely at a loss when it came to talking to people. If it weren’t for Sam, he might have never made it through freshman year. And if it weren’t for Castiel, Sam knew he wouldn’t have made it either. 

He sat back in his seat and looked out the window, feeling his quiet excitement building. He had missed his old friend. He hadn’t realized how much until now, but over the past year, he had found himself thinking of Castiel more and more, wondering how he was, what he was doing, where he had ended up. Sam wasn’t surprised when he had been unable to find his friend on social media the few times he had looked. If Castiel used it, it was surely under a pseudonym. And what would he have even said to the man if he had found him?

Find him, he had, and now Sam realized Castiel wasn’t the only one who was relieved to have the time to think of what he would say. Beyond the usual talk of work and family, what did they still even have to talk about? Anxiety snaked its way into Sam’s belly, and he found a piece of his heart praying that he and Castiel still had a connection.


	3. What'd You Forget?

Castiel’s hands were shaking. Holding the phone was taking far more effort than it really should. 

“Hey, bro. Forget something? I know. You miss the Trickster. Here, I’ll put him on.”

“No! Gabe, stop. I don’t want to talk to your dog-“

“Tricky! Uncle Cassie’s on the phone! Come on! Who’s a good boy?”

“Gabriel-“

“Say hi to Uncle Cassie! Say hi!” 

Castiel closed his eyes as the dog yipped excitedly. “Hello, Tricky,” he sighed in defeat. 

“That’s right! Good boy! Go get daddy some pants. Go on.”

His face fell into his palm. “I don’t know why I call you. You’re worse than no help.”

“Help for what? What’d you forget?”

He peeked through his fingers to see Sam Winchester a head higher than the rest of the crowd, grabbing his luggage and moving with confidence toward the rental car company. He swallowed hard. “That I’m an awkward, fat, embarrassing loser.”

“What?” Gabriel yelped. 

Castiel winced into a sigh. “I ran into a friend from college on the flight. I can’t believe he even remembered my name.”

“Dude. Your name is Castiel. Who forgets a dumb name like that?”

“Not helping!”

Gabriel sighed too. “Okay. Old friend. Somebody I’d know?”

He watched the man glance back over his shoulder, then turn and disappear into the rental area. “Just the most beautiful human I’ve ever known. And he’s even more incredible than he ever was.”

Gabriel let his voice go cold. “We talking about Sam? The roommate douche Sam?”

“Don’t-Yes, Sam, but don’t call him that. He’s a good guy. Always was, and clearly still is.”

“Castiel, that asshole got his rocks off by twisting up your insides for two years. I’ll call him what he is.”

Why did he call Gabriel? He knew Gabriel had an overprotective big brother point of view of the heartache Castiel had put himself through. But who else did Castiel know who could even begin to understand what was going on in his stomach just then? 

“So? You okay? He gone now?”

A flush was heating his face. “Yeah. For now. I...I might have agreed that we should have dinner. Because we’re both staying at the conference center.”

“Tricky! Go get daddy’s wallet!”

“Gabe-“

“I’ll be on the next flight.”

Castiel made a sound like a surprised bird. “What? No!”

“I’ll call you when I land. Get some candy at that airport place I like.”

“No!” he cried again. “No, that’s-I won’t let you! I’ll make you get right back on the plane!”

The voice was still cold. “What’s that, Trickster? That’s right, buddy. Nobody makes us do anything.”

Castiel cursed a little too loudly as the phone went silent in his hands, and he had to grimace an apology to the old woman who glared at him. He dragged his hand down his red face. 

All he had wanted was a bit of reassurance that he wasn’t, in fact, the same dopey, chunky nerd Sam had known at the start of college. Not only had he gotten no such sentiment, but now his brother was on a mission to save him from a man he had spent years trying to get over. 

***

Sam tapped his fingers on the steering wheel while he waited. At last, on the fifth ring, he got the greeting he was looking for. 

“What did you forget?” Dean muttered irritably. 

“What? No, nothing.”

“Because I ain’t overnighting you anything, not after the last time. Cost me a hundred freaking dollars-“

Sam rolled his eyes. “I paid you back!”

Dean yawned loudly. “Not the point. I had to pay it up front. And I’m tapped out. So whatever you forgot this time-“

“Dude! I didn’t forget anything! Would you stop?”

“Then what’re you waking me up for?”

He cringed. He had forgotten about the time zone change. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I just...wanted to talk.”

There was a pause. Then: “Sammy, I just got to bed two hours ago.”

“Sorry.”

“You forgot about the time zone again, didn’t you?”

He could feel his face heating, and he was glad Dean wasn’t there to see. “What?” he said too shrilly. “No. Of course not.”

Dean sighed. “Okay. What’s so important that it couldn’t wait till I’ve slept and had coffee six hours from now?”

“I’m sorry, man. I thought you’d still be up, and...I ran into someone from school, and we’re going to get together for dinner later, and I just…”

“What, like a date?”

“No!” he barked out hoarsely. “No, like-No. Not a date. I lived with him. We’re just catching up.”

“Ain’t Jesse Moore, is it?”

He ground his teeth. Why had he called Dean? “No. It isn’t Jess.”

“Or that Brady douche-“

“No, it isn’t Tyson either.”

“What about-“

Sam threw his hand up. “I didn’t date this guy! He was just a friend! My freshman roommate! Cas!”

Dean’s voice softened from a growl to a hum. “Right. Cas. I remember him. Weird, nerdy little guy, right? I liked him.”

He swallowed. “Yeah. So did I. But we lost touch when I joined the fraternity, and now…”

“So what’s the big deal? Go have a few beers and catch up.”

“Yeah. I mean, that’s the plan. I just don’t really know what to say.” He pulled the rental car into the garage next to the convention center, and found himself looking around to see if Castiel was nearby. 

“So...he’s hot now.”

Sam nearly slammed into the van in front of him. “What? No!”

“Yeah, he is. You’ve got that tone in your voice.”

“What tone?”

Now that Dean was awake, he seemed to be enjoying himself. “It’s cool, man. Everybody gets nervous around a hot guy. At least, that’s what girls tell me.”

“I’m so hanging up.”

Dean laughed. “All right, all right. Seriously. You want to Cyrano this bitch? I’ll tell you what to say, a guaranteed score, I promise. Just like high school.”

“That was one time!”

“Worked.”

Sam didn’t have a rebuttal for that. “Look, I’m just having dinner with an old friend. This isn’t...whatever you think it is.”

“Okay,” Dean relented. “Okay. Just talk to him then. Tell him about your projects and the organization. You’ve got enough of those stories to put him right to sleep.”

He heaved a sigh. That was what he was worried about. Other than stories of his work, Sam had absolutely nothing to say. Castiel was a big engineer now, there for an international tech conference. Sam was going to seem dull in comparison. 

The fact that Castiel was hot wasn’t even close to the point.


	4. Interesting Brain

He continued to check his airline app obsessively. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t as though Gabriel’s plane was going to suddenly speed up. He had been relieved to find out that the next possible flight to the city would not arrive until eight that evening, but now he was becoming paranoid about the man showing up early.

After settling into his room, he had wandered the showrooms, which were still being set up. Some of his confidence was returning to him, as others recognized him and vied for his attention to talk about projects. Maybe he would always be a little shy. But this was his turf. He had made a name for himself in this small sector of the world, and people honestly respected him and his opinions.

It was a far cry from freshman year at Stanford, that was certain.

_“Cas, why don’t you come out with us tonight? You’ve been cooped up in here for days. We’re going to play some pool.”_

_He shook his head. “I’ve got work to do.”_

_Sam shrugged, and sat on his bed. “I don’t get you, man! I probably spend more time on my classes than anybody else we know; I get the dedication. What I don’t understand is why you never take a night off. You’re missing the best part of college!”_

_Castiel doubted that very much. “I’m not comfortable tagging along,” he said, with a wiggle of his fingers to indicate quotation marks. “These are your friends, Sam. I never know what to say to them.”_

_His roommate put his hands up in exasperation. “They could be your friends too! It isn’t just you tagging along. I like having you.”_

_He lifted his eyes to gaze at Sam in adoration. The young man was sincere in his friendship, and that never failed to astonish Castiel. “I appreciate that, Sam. But I know your friends find me boring. I’m just not good company. I’m lucky to have been placed with a roommate who can forgive all my social flaws, but I’m not going to push my luck by expecting anyone else to be so kind. And I don’t like…”_

_Sam frowned at him as he faded off. “Who? Who don’t you like? We don’t have to invite someone you don’t like.”_

_Again, the kindness of his friend warmed his heart. “No, I meant to say I don’t like feeling that I’m embarrassing you when we go out with your friends.”_

_He sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t say that. I’m not embarrassed by you.”_

_But Castiel knew better. The last time he had really tried to socialize with the people Sam liked, he had ended up crying into his pillow with humiliation upon returning to their room alone. Sam had rushed in and demanded to know why he had hurried out of the gathering so suddenly, and Castiel had pretended to suffer from a migraine. The truth was too painful._

_He had overheard Sam’s new boyfriend snickering to two others about Sam’s little charity case. Castiel hadn’t liked Ty Brady, but that was mostly because he had to hear Sam sigh about how incredible he was on a daily basis. But he was Sam’s boyfriend, so Castiel had tried. And apparently he had failed._

_“Poor kid is completely hopeless, but Sam’s such a sweet guy. Just can’t stand for anybody to be left out. I call it social Darwinism myself. If the fat bitch can’t make it on his own, let nature run its course, right? I mean, look at him. He’s totally clueless. Must be smart, I guess, but he’s so freaking awkward. Just sad to see a guy like Sam wasting his time with a walking embarrassment. I’ll be glad when the year is done, and Sam can move into the fraternity house, and lose the baggage. Sam’s a good guy, but he’s got to learn that you can’t save every stray pig that wanders in. This one isn’t worth the effort. It’s just painful to watch.”_

_Then, as he had tried to grab his coat and sneak away, he had found Brady out on the front step, smoking._

_“Cas! Hey, man. Heading out early? That’s a shame.” His smile was full of perfect teeth and condescending judgment._

_Castiel had forced a breath into a too-tight chest. “I-I need to get some work done.”_

_Brady nodded with false sympathy. “Yeah. And this isn’t really your scene anyway, is it?”_

_He shook his head mutely._

_“Yeah. You’re more of a family-size bag of chips and Discovery Channel on a Saturday night kind of guy, aren’t you?”_

_He glowered evenly. “I prefer TED Talks. But just about anything would be preferable to this.” He gestured around him vaguely. “Where I’m not welcome.”_

_The smile dropped into a sneer. “Oh, you’re welcome. It’s always fun to have someone we can all laugh at together. But you have to admit, you’re not doing Sam any favors by embarrassing him in public. Are you?”_

_His stomach was churning, and his defenses were wearing thin. “Sam chooses his own company. He doesn’t need you to-“_

_A blond brow lifted, and suddenly Castiel felt uncomfortably hot. “Just because Sam’s too nice a guy to tell you that you’re pathetic, don’t assume he doesn’t notice. If you really consider yourself his friend, you’ll do what he’s too good to do, and you’ll back off. It’s bad enough he has to room with a trashy pig. They must have placed you two together based solely on the fact that he’s from a trash family. But he’s going to rise above that, with me pulling him up. Do us a favor and don’t weigh him down.” Brady winked. “And in exchange, I won’t tell him how in love with him you are. Deal, pig?”_

_Castiel had run to the safety of his dorm room and thrown himself into the bed. Tears rolled down his chubby cheeks, and he felt disgusting, but he was too depressed to get into the shower. Instead, he curled into himself, and pulled the blankets over him the way he had when he was a child, when he had pretended to have wings which could shelter him from the outside world, and allow him to escape if he needed. There was no escaping this. Nothing Brady had said, through those fangs, with that forked tongue, was untrue. He was a klutz, a hopeless loser, an embarrassment. If he cared about Sam, he wouldn’t subject him to his trashy, pathetic pig of a roommate any more than he had to. He hated that Brady had seen through him, straight to his most disgusting secret._

_He loved Sam. He had tried not to. He went so far as to pretend to lose his glasses so as not to be tempted to stare at that unfairly handsome face when they studied together._

Castiel smiled sadly at that memory. Such a childish thing to do, especially when it didn’t even work. Sam Winchester was stunning even while blurry.

A junior designer from Sandover was still chittering about his newest project, trying to get Castiel’s advice about how to get it approved for production, but his heart was dropping, and he found that he wasn’t paying attention anymore. He tried to refocus. “And you, um, spoke to Bartholomew about all of this? He’s the one who would be able to approve funding.”

The designer blinked at him. “I-I’m terrified of Bartholomew. That’s why I’m talking to you.”

“I’m just a contractor, Esper. I don’t have any authority,”

“Everyone respects your opinion, though, Cas! If you said it was worthwhile, I know Bart would fast-track it!”

It always amazed him that those in the trenches thought he had some kind of power. “I will...send him a message and suggest he give your proposal some attention.”

The gratitude made him uncomfortable. By the time the man skipped away, Castiel was weary.

“Wow. You’re pretty important, huh?”

He whirled on his heel to find himself staring into Sam’s long, beautiful throat. He stumbled backward. “I’m not!” he insisted too quickly. “I’ve just...done more than he has. More things.” His voice was becoming deeper than he meant for it to be, and he cleared his throat. More things. If there was anything Castiel was not, it was stupid. But he certainly sounded that way when Sam was near. Apparently some things didn’t change.

And yet some things did. Seeing Sam standing there, in his suit jacket, white shirt and jeans, with that infuriatingly perfect hair, Castiel wished he could take his glasses off to protect himself.

“I, uh, realized we picked a place but not a time. And I wandered the conference a little to-I mean, I wasn’t trying to-It’s just that I was thinking if we happened to bump into one another, and it’s almost dinner now...if you’re hungry…”

Castiel glanced at his watch. “Oh,” he muttered. The showrooms and other engineers had distracted him from his impending doom, both of humiliating himself in front of his old friend, and of Gabriel’s arrival. Time had managed to sneak up on him.

Sam’s face was weirdly pink when he looked up. He wondered if the man had a bit of a fever. “But it’s no big deal if you’re busy. You know.” An anxious laugh bubbled out of Sam’s mouth. “You’re obviously pretty important around here. Everybody’s come running up to get your take on just about everything.” The flush brightened before Castiel’s eyes. “Not-not that I’ve been watching or anything. Just, you know, I noticed.”

Confusion caused his eyes to narrow and his head to tip slightly. “Sam, are you all right?”

He sighed. “Of course. Look, if you’re too busy-“

It occurred to Castiel then that Sam might be trying to back out of their dinner plans. He swallowed down disappointment. “No. But if you are, I understand.” What had he expected? Sam had been kind enough to suggest a dinner, and Castiel had been too stupid to realize he should politely decline. Why was he so stupid around this man?

Sam’s hand went up. “No! I’d like to! Are you hungry? Now?”

The engineer stared at him. After several hours of milling about the tech showcase with confidence, he was beginning to feel very much like a frightened freshman again. “Yes,” he responded. Then he gave a shaky smile. “I mean...you know me. I’m always hungry.” Except that he felt like he might throw up.

“Then let’s go now!”

He took a deep breath. Old muscle memory made him reach up to adjust glasses he hadn’t worn for a long time. He scowled at himself. Stupid. “I’d like that.”

Sam’s smile was like sunshine. He reminded Castiel of an enormous, delighted puppy. It only managed to make him more attractive. “Awesome.”

***

_“You’re like a big dog!” Castiel laughed at him._

_Sam grinned. He had entered the room, tossed his bag onto his bed, then flopped onto Castiel’s. “I’m not a big dog!”_

_“You are!” the young man chuckled. “You’re this big golden retriever or something.”_

_“Dr. Crowley calls me a moose,” he sighed._

_Castiel snickered._

_“Cas, I’m happy. I’m completely, totally happy.”_

_His friend’s eyes softened. He must have lost track of his glasses again, because he was squinting. “I’m glad.”_

_“He’s everything I ever wanted.”_

_“Mm hm.”_

_“I can’t believe I didn’t realize he was into dudes.”_

_Castiel snorted, and looked back down at his textbook. “Why would you? You’ve been caught up in Draco Malfoy for months. Anybody else trying to catch your attention was out of luck.”_

_A cloud crossed over him then. “Draco Malfoy. God, how could I spend so many nights thinking he was the one? Makes my skin crawl now!”_

_“Mine too.”_

_He watched Castiel scribble in his calculus notebook. “Cas? Why didn’t you tell me you hated Brady back when we were dating? Might have clued me into how much of an ass he is if I knew you didn’t like him.”_

_“I didn’t like him. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. But I’m glad you don’t.”_

_“I trust your judgment though. You should’ve told me.”_

_Castiel did not look up from his work. “You started to see it for yourself soon enough. You’re smart, Sam.”_

_He laughed a little. “So they tell me. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Jess is totally different. I mean, he may be the one.”_

_“I’m glad you’re happy,” his roommate said again._

_Sam rolled onto his stomach and looked up at his friend. “What about you?”_

_“What about me, what?”_

_“All this time, you never met anybody you thought might be interesting?”_

_Castiel went very still for a moment, then he looked up with a soft smile. “Or anybody I thought might be interested? No.”_

_“That’s not what I said. I said somebody-“_

_“I know. And I appreciate your assumption that someone might reciprocate interest. But when I turn heads, it’s usually because I’ve tripped over something, not because I’m worth looking at twice.”_

_Sam felt a strange ache in his chest whenever his friend talked that way. “Cas, I don’t understand. You’re such a good guy. You’re crazy smart. You have a great sense of humor, all dark and dry. If you could just talk to people, they’d find out how interesting your brain is.”_

_Castiel smirked. “That’s what I need on my dating profile. Interesting brain. Socially clueless, painfully awkward nineteen year old loser, who hovers between chunky and just plain fat, with interesting brain, seeks equally nerdy dork who likes dry, dark humor. What did I miss?”_

_Sam scowled at him. “The part where you describe yourself accurately.”_

_“Oh, you’re right. I forgot the part where I’ve never actually gone on a date. I should put that in, for full disclosure.” He turned back to his notebook with a sigh. “Your brother called, by the way. I told him you were in love again. He told me to tell you his blood pressure can’t handle any more boyfriends. I said I’d pass that along.”_

How had he ever thought any of those boyfriends could be the one? Tyson Brady had been a disaster. Jesse Moore had torn his heart out of his chest. Joe Harvelle had taken one long look at Dean, and that had been the end of his interest in Sam. Victor Henriksen had crushed his will to ever date again.

The only man Sam had ever been close to, who had never hurt him, was Castiel. All this time later, the only man he ever remembered fondly was Castiel. The only memories untainted by betrayal and drama, the only one who had never let him down was...

“Castiel? I’m really glad we did this.”

His old friend was laughing at his story, just like he would have years ago. The tension and awkward anxiety between them had eased in no time once they had ordered dinner at the grill attached to the hotel. Before appetizers had even disappeared, they were laughing and gently teasing as if no time had passed at all. Castiel’s intense blue eyes were shining with a mischief Sam was certain no one else had seen back in school, but which Sam had loved. “Me too,” he replied with sincerity.

Clarity hit Sam like a wave of light, as he thought of all the mistakes he had given his heart to over the years. He blinked at Castiel several times. “Cas?” he said suddenly.

“Yes, Sam?”

“Why...why didn’t we ever date?”

“You dated. You dated enough for both of us,” Castiel sighed. “I didn’t date because I was a mess back then. Still am, for the most part.”

He took a long breath. “No, I mean...us. Why didn’t we ever date? You and me?”

All at once, Castiel’s entire demeanor shifted. He stared at Sam, and looked for all the world as though he had just been slapped across the face. “You and...me?”

Maybe he should stop. His question had clearly made his friend uncomfortable. But suddenly, Sam had to know. “Yeah. Did you ever think of it? If things had been different, would you have ever wanted to give me a try?”

Pink lips parted wordlessly before him.

Sam cleared his throat. “Forget it,” he tried to say. “Just kidding!” he wanted to say. But when he spoke, it sounded a lot more like, “Would you now? You said you’re not seeing anyone. Neither am I. And I’ve really missed your company. Would you want to give me a chance?”

“Sam…”

Panic was pressing up his throat. It was clear as day now. Castiel! How many times had he given his heart away to someone else, then bared his soul and dreams to Castiel? How many times had he thought of Castiel in those years of separation, wondering how he was doing, hoping he was happy, when men he had thought he would spend his life with now mattered so little? And Castiel was the only one Dean had ever liked, wasn’t he? Castiel was the only one he had ever been truly himself with, who had seen him at his worst and at his best, and who had been there for him through both.

“Sam, I…”

“Please,” he blurted out. “Look, I know how crazy this sounds. But listen. Seeing you again, hanging out with you again, it’s like all the pieces just click together, isn’t it? We have fun together, don’t we?” Was he sounding as ridiculous as he thought he sounded?

Very slowly, Castiel began to nod. “Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Yes, Sam. I always thought so.”

Heartened by the response, Sam’s smile began to spread. “I know you probably never gave it any thought, but-but we were always a good team. Now that we’re both a little older…” He didn’t know where he was going with that statement. He was beginning to feel giddy.

Castiel licked at his lips quietly. “Sam?”

“Yeah?”

His friend took a deep breath, and put his palms flat against the surface of the table. “Sam, are you entirely unaware that I’ve been in love with you for nearly a decade?”

The words floated to him too slowly, and they took far too long to sink in. When they did, he felt his heart lurch wildly. Memories assaulted him from all angles, memories that were finally so bright that they were blinding. Castiel laughing with him over silliness Sam wouldn’t allow anyone else to see. Castiel assuring him that he was perfectly capable of taking the tougher courses, encouraging him to challenge himself, when no one else would ever suspect Sam was anything other than completely confident. Castiel helping him through getting his heart slashed. Castiel caring for him when he fell sick just before Thanksgiving and couldn’t make it home for the break. Castiel staying over that break himself; without Sam ever needing to ask him to. Castiel helping him move into the fraternity house, and then getting a migraine when the work was all done. Castiel’s swollen red eyes when Sam had checked on him later that night, and the forced smile…

It was just like Castiel to read him perfectly. Blue eyes sparkled a bit too much when Sam raised his gaze to meet them again. “Playing the tapes in your head? Yeah. Sam, I loved you right away, and I’ve never gotten over you. Believe me that I’ve tried. I’ve changed a lot since we met. But that isn’t something I can change. I thought I was past it, but that was stupid. I see that now. It’s been forever, but you can still break my heart in a glance just like you always could. So if you’re asking if I’ve ever thought of it…Yes, Sam. I’ve thought of it.”

“Oh, my god. Cas, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

He laughed sadly. “Really? You have to ask?”

Sam felt like the world was turning upside down, like nothing he had ever known was quite right. “Cas, I…”

“Remember the way we used to talk about alternate universes? Where everything possible exists somewhere?”

“Yeah,” he breathed.

“Yeah,” his friend echoed. “Sam, there’s no universe in which I could possibly deserve you.”

His heart was pounding now, and he leaned in to take Castiel’s trembling hands. “Castiel, I want to try this. I want us to try. Will you?”

“I’m not capable of saying no to that, Sam. I’ve wanted it too long.”

Relief splashed over him, as he realized something. “So have I. I just didn’t know it till now.”


	5. Lost and Found Souls

Watching Sam turn to smile shyly over his shoulder at Castiel, as though he worried the man might fly away, was probably the best moment of Castiel’s life so far. There was no chance of him flying from Sam. 

Then the best moment of his life, the one where Sam Winchester peeked to be sure Castiel was waiting for him, as if he had not waited all these years for him, was abruptly interrupted by someone diving into Sam’s vacant seat. 

Castiel yelped in surprise, and nearly fell out of his own chair. Then his eyes narrowed. “Gabriel! Jesus, don’t do that!”

“That him? That’s the douche?”

His brother frowned. “No! That’s Sam!”

“He’s enormous. But look. I can take him. Maybe. Probably.”

“Take him where?” Castiel demanded. 

Gabriel leaned in until his Hawaiian shirt was nearly touching the table. “Out. Take him out.”

“I’m taking him out!”

Gabriel exhaled with relief. “Oh, thank God. Glad to hear it. I got your back, bro. Careful though. He looks like a freaking lumberjack in a suit jacket. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with a sucker punch if the guy is over six two. It’s a rule.”

Castiel stared at his brother in utter disbelief. “Gabe! I’m not going to hit Sam!”

“Then I don’t know how you figure on taking him out. I know you did some martial arts a while back, but I’m pretty sure you can’t kick that high.”

He found that his brain could not keep up with all the surreality around him. He dropped his face into his palm. Gabriel caused that gesture a lot. 

“Cas? Come on. We gotta strategize here. If one of us is gonna break another guy’s face, the other has to be ready to post bail. You got a debit card or something? What’s your PIN?”

After another pause to collect himself, Castiel lifted his gaze and took a breath. “Gabriel? You’re talking about assault.”

“I think it’s battery, but go on.”

“Sam is my friend. When I said I was going to take him out, I meant that we’ve had a wonderful dinner, and we shared some fun memories and humorous stories, catching each other up on what’s been going on, and then the entire universe hiccoughed, and Sam Winchester, the most beautiful human on the planet, asked me if I would be willing to date him.”

Gabriel stared back. Then his eyes went cold. “That is not what I meant by take him out.”

“I’m aware of the miscommunication now, thank you.”

“And you said yes?” the older man exploded. 

Castiel shushed him. Most of the other patrons at the grill had paid and left while he and Sam talked, but those who remained tossed glances at them. “Yes!” Castiel hissed back. “Of course I said yes! Gabriel, you know better than anyone how bad my crush on Sam was! How much I’ve wanted this moment my entire adult life! Why would you even ask me if I said yes?”

“You’re being…” Gabriel dropped his voice from a shout to a low growl. “You’re being a moron. Stop it.”

He threw his hands into the air in exasperation. 

“Bro, he’s obviously caught word that you’re loaded now!”

“What?” he cried. “No!”

“You came into some dough and suddenly he wants to make nice? You have a sweet bank account, Cas! That’s what he sees! That man killed you over and over for two years! Everytime my phone rang, it was like, well, Cassie must have gotten his throat kicked in again. Must be Tuesday.”

Hurt and anger filled him with heat. “Stop.”

“He got off on your misery so regularly, Casa Erotica could have made a series on it! And now, you’ve got some cash, and he’s suddenly available? After knowing you as a broke, pudgy college kid, now you can bench press him, and suddenly he wants you to press him into a bench? No. Cas, wake up-“

Castiel stumbled to his feet. “No! I said stop! It isn’t like that! It was never like that!”

Gabriel stood too, shaking his head. “Man, I love you like a brother.”

“I am your brother!”

“And so I’m going to tell you what you need to hear. Sam freaking Winchester is a tool. He’s playing you. And even if he’s not? He totally is, but even if he’s not, why wasn’t he interested back then? Cassie, dude, if he wasn’t into you when you were that cute, little, butterball mess, you shouldn’t want him now. If he didn’t want the real you, you shouldn’t let him have whatever it is you’re trying to be now.”

The hurt bloomed into a painful spike in Castiel’s chest. He backed away. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“It’s not pretty, but it’s true. He’s a tool.”

He shook his head slowly. “No. Not about him. I can’t believe you just said that. About me.”

Gabriel stopped then, and seemed confused. “What? What’d I say?”

Castiel let his childish fantasy take over. His imaginary wings unfurled, and he let them carry him away. He could hear Gabriel calling after him as he stormed toward his suite. 

***

Dean yawned at him. “Okay. I’m here. What?”

Sam smiled. “I’m sorry, man. I know this is your night off.”

“It’s cool. I’m listening. Shoot.”

“So-“

Dean cut him off with a laugh. “Wait! What time is it there? Did you and Cas have your not-a-date already? How did it go?”

He laughed too. “It turned into a date.”

“Ah ha! Big brother called it!”

“You did,” he sighed happily. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. “How did I not see this before? He says...Dean, he says he’s been in love with me since way back then. Can you believe that?”

His brother’s voice softened. “Yeah. I can. I remember Cas. He worshipped you, kid.”

“What? You knew?”

“No. But looking back? I ain’t exactly surprised.”

Sam chewed on his lower lip. “Seeing him today, on the plane...It was like I’d suddenly found a part of my soul that had been missing for years. I can’t...I can’t explain it.”

“You just did.”

“But you can’t understand…”

Dean snorted softly. “Think so? How do you think it felt to see that Impala again after all those years? When Bobby called to say he had found her, had checked not only the VIN but the engine number. And I got there and took one look at her...Sammy, I know what it’s like to be reunited with something that belongs with you. I know what it’s like to have a bit of your soul out there someplace, to feel incomplete, and not even be aware of that hole till it’s fixed up. My Baby came back to me. Maybe Cas coming back into your life will fix you up too.”

Tears stung, and he closed his eyes tighter. “God, Dean.”

“Just calling it like it is, kiddo. You’ve been restless past couple of years. Like you’re always looking for something around corners. Like when I would always look up every time I heard an engine rumble that could’ve been her.”

He sniffed and smiled. “Dad didn’t lose my soul in a poker game while drunk.”

This snort was louder. “Yeah. Don’t think he wouldn’t have tried if he could’ve found a way. Every time he told me to look out for Sammy, I think he was telling me to protect you so he didn’t gamble you away along with everything else.”

“Cas is waiting outside. I just left to take my jacket up to my room and hit the head.”

“Cleaned the pipes?”

And just like that, the brother moment was over, and they were back to being...brothers. Sam rolled his eyes. “You’re disgusting.”

“Just saying. You’ve had a bit of a drought lately. Might want to make sure you can handle a little rain without flooding.”

“You stopped making sense halfway through that stupid analogy.”

“You’re a stupid analogy.”

Sam was too happy to not snicker at that. “Goodnight, jerk.”

This was met with another yawn. “Happy for you. Bitch.”

Sam shivered with excitement. He grabbed his key card and hurried back out of the room to rejoin Castiel at the grille.


	6. No Solicitation

Sam’s first thought was that he had walked into the wrong place, which was stupid. But his second thought was a pinch of dread in his stomach. Castiel had left.

His heart fell, even as he told himself it must be a mistake. Either way, he needed to be sure the bill had been paid, so he approached the table slowly.

The check had been covered with cash, still in the bill. He nodded and began to step away, when someone waved for his attention.

This man was smiling at him from a table nearby. “Hey. Were you with a guy named Cas?”

“Yes?” Hope dawned on him.

The stranger extended a key card out to him. “Your friend gave me this. Says his room is 422.” He snorted. “But I’m booked already. Guy’s clearly loaded. Have fun.”

Sam took the card, but then stared at the man in the Hawaiian shirt. “Loaded? He only had a few beers.”

“No, I mean…Loaded. He’s got money, honey.”

“Why...what would make you think…”

“Big spender. Offered me a pretty pricey night.” The man grinned, and winked.

Sam felt his mouth drop open. “You...I’m sorry, we aren’t talking about the same man.”

“Claims he’s just an engineer, right? Yeah. Offered four times my usual. Why? What did he offer you?”

His mind was stuttering over this man’s claim. “He’s not the same man.”

The stranger put his hands up. “Okay. But take the card anyway. See for yourself. Or maybe you’ll like this other guy better. Like I said, big spender. Better hurry, though. He’s waiting.”

Sam stumbled away from the restaurant with the key card in his hand. He knew the guy was some kind of freak. Castiel may have given him the key card to give to Sam, but the rest of the story was fiction. Jesus, people were crazy!

Before he could think coherently about the whole thing, he found himself at the door to room 422. In case it wasn’t Castiel’s, he knocked. None of this made sense, and he was at a complete loss.

The door unlocked but opened only a crack, and after a moment's hesitation Sam poked his head in. “Cas? Do I have the right...Oh my god.”

The man stretched out on the bed, entirely naked, was definitely not Castiel. “Hey. You made it. Come here,” he said in a sultry British accent.

He backed into the door jam. “I don’t-I’m so sorry. Wrong room!”

The man laughed quietly. “Or exactly the right room. You’re gorgeous! I’ve got fifteen thousand dollars in cash, American, waiting for you.”

“What?” Sam shrieked.

“Fine. Twenty. I’m not going higher for one night.”

Sam shook his head. “Are you...are you trying to buy...sex?”

The man smiled. It was a handsome face, Sam realized belatedly, above a handsome body. But it definitely was not Castiel. “I’ve never had to try so hard,” he teased. “But I promise you won’t regret a thing.”

There were many things about the last ten minutes that Sam regretted. “I’m not a whore!” he cried out.

“Of course you aren’t, darling. You prefer escort. I understand. But back to my offer. Admit it. Better than anything else you’ve planned for your evening.”

The entire encounter felt surreal. “No! I’m not interested. I’ve got a nice guy waiting for me...somewhere.”

“Ah. Awkward.” The man stood finally, and dressed in a robe to approach Sam. “Someone’s managed to make a better offer, then? Pity. I’d like to shake the hand of the man who can afford a higher price in cash than I.”

“Not cash!” Sam sputtered. “He’s really just a nice guy! I’m not-It’s not a money thing! I don’t know why you think I’m-but I’m not! The guy downstairs must be messing with both of us. I’m sorry.”

Blue eyes blinked at him, and then the smile softened. “So am I. Good luck, then, Sam. To you and your nice guy.”

Sam backed down the hall, then turned and raced to the stairs until he was safe inside his own locked hotel room. He leaned against the door and panted with his eyes closed.

A banging came from the other side. Sam’s heart leapt into his throat.

“Open up! Management!”

Panic struck him, and he whimpered with frustration. “What?” he shouted as he threw open the door.

The woman at the door was frowning darkly. “Mr. Winchester?”

“Yeah?”

“We tried running your card. Do you have another form of payment?”

The words didn’t even seem to make sense. “I’m sorry. What?”

Impatience flared in her eyes. “Your card. It’s no good. Do you have another way to pay?”

“That’s not possible!”

She sighed. “And the twenty-one pay per view videos you managed to order in just a few hours. Those will need to be paid off too.”

He threw his hands up. “What the hell is going on? What pay per-“

“The Casa Erotica videos. Twenty of them. Plus one Gunner Lawless wrestling show. All billed to your room.”

“Casa...What?” His voice was weak. “I’m sorry. This is a mistake. This whole weird thing is a mistake. Is there-maybe there’s another Winchester staying here? I haven’t ordered anything, and my room is already paid for-“

“Mr. Winchester! I’ve got the kielbasa you ordered!”

Sam turned to stare as room service approached from down the hall.

The manager lifted an eyebrow.

“I didn’t order that!” he shrieked.

The man with the ridiculous mustache checked his papers. “Yup. This is the room.”

Sam gaped at them for another moment, then ducked back into his room and closed the door quickly. He tried to ignore the confused waiter and the manager’s threats from the other side of the door, and concentrated on figuring out what the hell was happening.

The evening had begun so beautifully. He and Castiel had reunited and shared stories, and had taken their renewed friendship to a new level. Then he had left for roughly ten minutes, and had apparently fallen down a rabbit hole into a world that made no sense whatsoever.

Sam took a deep breath. No matter what else happened, he wanted to be sure Castiel knew Sam had not meant to end their evening so abruptly. Everything else would get worked out. But if Castiel had left, thinking Sam wasn’t returning, he wanted to clear that up first thing.

Then he could deal with the fallout of sex solicitation, credit card fraud, and anything else he had managed to become involved with.

He was in the middle of texting Castiel when he stopped cold.

The man in 422 had called him Sam.

The manager had a British accent too.

And that was so not a real mustache on that waiter.

Hazel green eyes narrowed as his pounding heart pumped anger through him. He didn’t know who these people were, but he was going to teach them that Sam Winchester was a poor choice for a prank target.


	7. If You're Not Happy...

The phone buzzed again. Castiel tried not to look, but he couldn’t help it. This time it wasn’t Gabriel, so he answered.

“Cassie?”

He sighed. “Hello, Balt,” he grumbled.

“I, uh…Cassie...Something…”

He lifted his head out of his palm. Was this Balthazar struggling to find his words? Castiel was certain he had never heard that happen before. “Balt? Are you all right? Is Bella okay? How can I help?

A heavy sigh sounded across the line. “You’re always asking that. Since I met you through your brother all those years ago, always asking if you can help.”

He frowned. “Balt, what’s wrong?”

“Cassie, look. I’m going to tell you something which will make you angry. So let me begin with an apology. I’m sorry I let Gabriel talk me into this.”

Blue eyes narrowed, and Castiel glowered across the hotel room. His deep voice was cold. “Balthazar? What did my brother do?”

When the knock came ten minutes later, Castiel wasn’t surprised at all to open the door to find Sam looking very suspicious.

He sighed. “It’s only me.”

Sam blew his cheeks out. Then he began to chuckle softly.

He closed the door behind his guest. “Sam, this isn’t funny.”

But this only made Sam laugh louder.

A grudging smile tipped Castiel’s lips. It wasn’t fair that Sam was so incredibly handsome when he laughed. “It isn’t funny,” he insisted again. “Sam, what they did was borderline illegal!”

Sam snorted. “Borderline! I’m pretty sure they were way past that! Your brother had his best friend and his wife-“

Castiel threw his hand up. “I know! So why are you laughing? How are you laughing?”

He snickered, then sobered enough to reach for Castiel’s hand.

Warmth blanketed Castiel, and his anger dissolved, upon impact with Sam. He stared down at their joined fingers.

“You still want to do this?”

He looked back up to find those expressive eyes peering down at him. “This? Do I still-Sam, I will always want this. I have always wanted this! Why the hell would you want it, after what my brother put you through because of me?”

Sam bent at the neck, and before Castiel could react, their lips were touching softly. His heart stammered in his chest, and his own mouth chased after Sam’s without permission when the man stood back. Castiel was on his toes, pursuing something his heart had starved for his whole adult life.

When they parted at last, Castiel’s took a stuttered, jagged breath, and licked his lips. His tongue pulled the lower lip into his teeth, and he stopped breathing altogether.

Sam’s eyes were shining. “I still want it too,” he confirmed belatedly.

His senses returned to him lazily, as if it were all part of a dream. He blinked and shook his head. “But, Sam? My brother is a complete ass. But he’s the only family I’ve got. I mean...the guy practically raised me. Some days, it felt more like me raising him, but he’s always been there, and I hate what he did, but I don’t know-“

“Shh,” Sam soothed. “Listen. I know a thing or two about a big brother who gets overprotective. Hell, the first thing Dean said when I called and said I met an old college friend on the plane was that it better not be any of the guys I used to date.”

Castiel scowled. “Dean and I had similar views on your ability to judge character,” he remembered.

“Yeah. Well, I’m not sure he would have flown out here, but I definitely would’ve gotten an earful on the phone if I had set up dinner plans with Tyson Brady. And apparently your big brother thinks I’m as bad as Brady ever was.”

He couldn’t help cringing. “I’m so sorry, Sam. Gabriel was at Cambridge while we were at Stanford, so you two never actually met. All he knew about you was what he got from me when I was especially depressed, emailing him about how much I wished I could just disappear whenever you were around, that it didn’t matter because you never saw me anyway. All he knew is you’re the guy who broke my heart just by being nearby.” He could feel his face heating with humiliation.

“Oh, Cas.”

“He just pictured this asshole who wouldn’t give his fat, dorky kid brother the time of day. So now that I’ve changed a bit, and now that I have money, he figures you’re trying to take advantage of how I’ve always felt about you.”

Sam sighed and gripped Castiel’s hands again. “I understand what Gabriel was thinking. It’s probably exactly what Dean thinks of Brady and all the others. But you, Cas. You know, right? You know I never in a million years would have wanted to hurt you? That maybe I was stupid and clueless, and even self-absorbed, back then, but that I never would have hurt you on purpose. That I never thought of you the way you remember yourself.”

The heat was a feverish flush now.

“Hey.” Sam lifted Castiel’s chin with a gentle hand. “Hey. This matters more than anything else that’s happened tonight. I need to know you understand.”

Weary, wary eyes rose to meet Sam’s searching gaze.

“Cas, you aren’t a different person now, and I’m glad of that! You were heavier before, maybe, but do you remember the first thing I said when I realized it was you? The physical change I noticed was that you weren’t wearing glasses. That was the big difference I saw. Don’t get me wrong! You’re crazy hot right now.”

Castiel snorted.

“You really are. I was practically intimidated by your arms on the plane before I saw who they belonged to.”

He ducked his head down again, but this time it was with a small smile.

“But, Cas,” Sam continued, “that’s not the part of all this I’m so excited about. I tried to explain it to Dean, that I feel like I’ve spent the last few hours collecting pieces of my soul that I hadn’t realized I had lost all those years ago! And if you looked exactly the same as before, I would feel exactly as I do. You’re the one who remembers yourself in that light, Cas, not me. I remember a guy who was my total inspiration academically, who made me laugh constantly, who listened to me ramble about everything for an entire year. You stayed up late with me when I worked on papers, and you made me watch Doctor Who, and you reminded me to call my brother, and you fantasized about time travel and alternative history with me like the enormous nerds we were, and still are!”

At last, Castiel burst into laughter. “Do you remember the time, in the middle of the night, we recreated the entire First World War, replacing the key players with factions from Lord of the Rings? You insisted that the French and Belgians were different groups of Hobbits.”

Sam laughed too. “I remember that! You tried to tell me the Kaiser was Saruman.”

“The elves were British. And the dwarves were the Russians before the revolution. I once had to excuse myself from a conference table with a bunch of Russian engineers, because the other team’s writer and translator was this little bearded jerk from New York called Marv Atron, and I kept thinking of him as Grumpy Oakenshield, the cousin Thorin didn’t invite along. I snorted my coffee.”

The grin on Sam’s face was the thing that gave Castiel life. There would never be a day when that look of pleased mischief from Sam didn’t delight him. “See? See, Cas? That’s what we are! That’s what we were! And I miss that, man! I miss my best friend, who vacillated on whether or not droids had free will every time we put Star Wars on while we studied. The guy who once got so excited about some math theorem in a dream that he woke me up to tell me about it, and then realized it didn’t actually work, and I spent a half hour consoling him even though I didn’t understand what the hell he was babbling about, but he was just so cute when he offered to draw me a diagram.”

Castiel sighed. “The Riemann hypothesis. It still keeps me up some nights.”

“And I still have no idea why, but I still want to be the one you wake up to explain it to.”

The engineer threw his arms around him. “God, don’t you see?” He gripped Sam as tightly as he could without actually damaging him. “Sam, that statement! Can’t you see how perfect you are for me? Can’t you see why I’ve been in love with you all this time? I never thought I’d even see you again, but it didn’t matter, because, Sam, you are the one I talk things out with in the middle of the night, even now! You’ve been the one I’ve talked out every project with inside my head, the one who has shared in every success I’ve ever had, and who encouraged me through every setback. You always were, and you still are. I just think to myself, what would Sam say?”

Pleasure was shining in those eyes now, as Sam held him at arm's length. “You know what’s crazy about that? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought the same thing. What would Cas think of that? Cas, you convinced me it was okay to leave corporate law.”

Castiel stared at him.

“Yeah,” Sam confirmed. “It’s what I always said I was going to do, and I wasn’t happy doing it, but I felt trapped in it. But then one night, I was wading through contracts, and I suddenly wondered, what would Cas think of this? What would he say?”

“If you’re not happy, what’s the point?” he breathed. “You’re smart enough to do anything, and brave enough to take a risk. Do something that is worth your energy and effort.”

Sam sighed, and it sounded like relief pouring from him. “And that’s exactly what I knew you would say. Because that’s what you said about everything. It’s what you said when it was time to leave Brady. Do you remember? If I’m not happy, what’s the point? Give my heart to something that deserves my energy and effort.”

Castiel nodded mutely.

He cupped Castiel’s face in his hands, and peered into his eyes. “Cas, why didn’t you ever just tell me I belong with you? It would have saved us both a lot of heartache.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, staring up into Sam’s eyes. “You’re smart enough to do anything, Sam, and good enough to have anything. You deserve so much more than I can be.”

“Castiel? I’m excited about us. I took a risk years ago, to do the sort of work that inspires me, rather than what I trained for but don’t love. I want to take the same risk now. The more I think of being with you, the more I know it’s exactly what I need. Don’t tell me you don’t deserve me. That’s ridiculous. We belong together. You feel that too, right?”

Castiel blinked against tears. “I want to. I want to be exactly what you need. I’m afraid it’ll all crash down. That you’ll wake up tomorrow and realize I’m still that dorky pig you knew back then, on the inside.”

Sam took a deep breath. “Please don’t talk like that. I never used those words. That isn’t who I knew back then, and it isn’t who I see now.”

He lowered his gaze. “I’m a good engineer, Sam. But the rest of it...I feel like I’m a fraud. Even Gabriel thinks I’m trying to be something I’m not. I’m smart, and that’s all I’ve ever been. There’s nothing else I can give you.”

The soft touch of lips on his again stopped him. It was an incredible sensation, kissing. Castiel’s whole heart ached desperately for it. “Cas, you’re so much more than you think. Your brother thinks I’m interested for the wrong reasons, and you think I’m seeing something that isn’t really there. But I’ve grown up a lot since my old mistakes, Cas. Give me a chance to prove that I know a good thing when I see one now.”

A small smile crept onto his face. “And my brother?”

Mischief crossed Sam’s grin now. “I’ve got an idea about your brother,” he murmured.

For the moment, Castiel didn’t care how ominous that sounded. Not while Sam’s lips were approaching his own again.


	8. Best Man

“You did not.”

Sam smirked. “Think he didn’t deserve it?”

“You put Kali on this guy?”

A snort pushed a giggle out of his mouth. “Her name is Kayleigh, jackass.”

“She’s a destroyer goddess, Sam! It might be pronounced differently, but she’s still one scary bitch!”

“Yup. And if you think she once messed you up, you should have seen this guy.”

Dean heaved a sigh of exasperation. “Sam, when you started working with my ex-wife, I thought it was pretty weird. When you went to this conference to present your program’s research with her in front of all those big shot donors, I thought it was definitely weird. And now you’re sending her to some deranged, childish dumbass to scare the shit out of him, and that’s completely weird. But the idea that he liked it?”

The younger man leaned against the wall in the hotel lounge and laughed. “Weirdest? She liked him.”

“You’re shitting me right now.”

“Dean? I hate to tell you this but apparently your wife likes childish dumbasses.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then: “I guess we already knew that.” 

“We did. After she was done scaring the piss out of him while pretending to be law enforcement, investigating harassment and fraud reported in the hotel, she let him off with a warning. Then she informed him that if he was done being a Neanderthal, she would permit him to take her to the bar to buy her a glass of wine, but only if he was clear that he did not have permission to touch her at any point.”

“Wow.”

“Right?”

Dean sighed again. “That sounds like a summary of my entire marriage.”

“You never saw a guy break so fast. I don’t think he’ll have the time to get between me and Cas anymore.”

“He’s got no idea what kind of fire he’s playing with. You sure he deserved the Kali treatment?”

Sam grinned at the man approaching from down the hall. “He was trying to keep me from reconnecting with a guy I’m just realizing might be the one I’ve been looking for all my life. I think I went easy on him.”

“You don’t know my ex-wife, then.”

He watched the soft, questioning eyes which were watching him. “You don’t know Castiel.”

Dean hummed his derision. “Yeah, I do. He’s the guy my kid brother fell for back in college, but lost because he hadn’t learned yet to listen to his own heart. Good to know one of us isn’t a dumbass anymore.”

***

“So there’s nothing more awkward than being asked to give a speech at your ex-wife’s wedding.”

The crowd snickered. Everyone enjoyed Dean’s discomfort. 

“Except maybe to be asked to give a speech at your brother-in-law’s brother’s wedding, when you’re not even sure you wanted a brother, let alone a brother-in-law, and definitely not a brother of a brother-in-law, who’s marrying your ex-wife.” 

Gabriel winked at him gleefully. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “But to be asked to give a speech because the best man can’t speak for himself, because he’s a freaking dog, well, that’s probably a new low in my life.”

Kayleigh was smirking at him in a way that told him this moment was the new high in her life. 

Dean pointed at Castiel and Sam on one side of the long table, and then Balthazar on the other side. “But let’s be clear. You guys were passed over for the best man position by a dog. You suck more than I do here.”

The man hated talking in front of a crowd, but that crowd loved his how-they-met story, which had really been the story of how his brothers had re-met, and Gabriel had tried to stand in the way. 

For the sake of some of the older and younger generations in the audience, he had eluded to but redacted some of the things Gabriel had put Sam through. 

It hadn’t been just one hour of pranks exchanged between the two sides. That night had begun a long, terrible tradition of pranks pulled by Gabriel, now joined by Kayleigh, and Balt and Bella, and Castiel and Sam. Dean had been dragged into the games by one team or another, and often more than one. 

And there was Robin too. He had reconnected with an old friend of his own, and it turned out that Winchesters were especially lucky in this way. Robin was a music teacher at an elementary school, and he had thought about her often. Then, after listening to Sam’s stories about Castiel, Dean had become inspired. He had taken up guitar, and had contacted her for private lessons. Now he was just as likely to be caught up in the prank wars, but he had the perfect partner to rely on.

He and Sam had a truly epic joke in the works, scheduled for the morning after Gabriel and Kayleigh got back from their honeymoon in Norway. Robin and Castiel couldn’t stop smirking at one another in anticipation. 

For today, though, Dean was content to share in the playful love around him, and dig into the cake as soon as it was cut, and laugh louder than anyone when Gabriel held up the best man to place between Sam and his husband when they tried to kiss. 

For his part, the Trickster enjoyed the attention.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are even better than dark chocolate.
> 
> ~Posing


End file.
